The Mirage of Position: When Attraction Masquerades as Love
A Hindu Philosophical Exploration of Power, Status, and True Devotion
In a world obsessed with Instagram followers, corner offices, and impressive job titles, one ancient truth remains as relevant today as it was five thousand years ago: people who flock to you because of your position are not your friends—they are your fans. And fans, unfortunately, are a fickle audience.
The Bhagavad Gita, often called the ultimate guidebook to life's conundrums, offers profound wisdom on this very subject. Lord Krishna instructs Arjuna about the nature of attachment and the illusions that bind us. In Chapter 2, Verse 62-63, Krishna warns: "When a man dwells on the objects of sense, attachment to them is produced. From attachment, desire is generated, and from desire arises anger." This cascade of emotions—triggered by seeking validation through position—is the root of our confusion about who truly cares for us.
The Psychology Behind Position-Based Relationships
When you hold a position of power or influence, you become a utility rather than a person. Think of yourself as a vending machine: people insert their flattery, press the button marked "favor," and expect something valuable to emerge. It's not love; it's a transaction. The Upanishads capture this brilliantly by distinguishing between Atman (the true self) and Maya (the illusion). Your position is pure Maya. Strip away the title, the salary, the prestige, and what remains? That's where real connection begins.
The difference between real love and position-based attraction is like the difference between gold and gold-plating. Position-based admiration is superficial, shiny, and temporary. Real love is forged in the furnace of authenticity and tested through time and adversity.
Historical Wisdom: Lessons from the Dharma Texts
The Ramayana provides a poignant illustration of this principle. When Prince Rama was at the height of his power and popularity, his kingdom loved him. But when he was exiled to the forest for fourteen years, his popularity evaporated like morning dew. Yet, the truly devoted—his wife Sita, his brother Lakshman, and his loyal follower Hanuman—followed him into the wilderness. They loved Rama the man, not Rama the prince.
This teaches us a critical lesson: genuine relationships are tested not during abundance but during loss. When your position crumbles, the hangers-on vanish like rats from a sinking ship. Those who remain? Those are your people.
The Mahabharata similarly illustrates this through the character of Karna. Despite his immense skills and position, he was often abandoned and criticized. His true companions were fewer than his admirers. This ancient narrative remains a template for understanding how position attracts opportunists, not friends.
The Spiritual Dimension: Bhakti Over Status
Hindu philosophy emphasizes Bhakti Yoga—the path of devotion—as superior to other paths because it is rooted in genuine emotion, not transaction. Bhakti is unconditional, selfless, and unwavering. When a devotee loves God, there is no position-seeking involved. There is no "what's in it for me?" The Bhakti Sutras describe devotion as "a supreme type of love, where the devotee finds complete fulfillment in the divine."
This principle applies to human relationships too. When you encounter someone whose affection remains constant whether you are successful or struggling, celebrated or forgotten, employed or unemployed—that person is practicing Bhakti toward you. Cherish them. They are rarer than diamonds.
Conversely, as Lord Krishna teaches in the Bhagavad Gita (3:25), those who perform actions seeking results and recognition are "bound by their attachments." Apply this to relationships: people who stick around only for your position are bound by attachment to that position, not to you.
Modern Relevance: The Social Media Paradox
In our contemporary world, this ancient wisdom has become urgently relevant. Social media has created an illusion that massive followers equate to genuine connection. A CEO with a million LinkedIn connections is, statistically speaking, more alone than ever. Each connection is a potential fan, not a friend.
The COVID-19 pandemic revealed this starkly. When people faced lockdowns and uncertainty, many discovered that their extensive networks shrunk to a handful of genuine relationships. Suddenly, position meant nothing. Proximity and authenticity meant everything.
Distinguishing Real Love from Superficial Attraction
How do you identify genuine love versus position-based interest? The answer lies in observation. Real love shows up unannounced. It doesn't calculate ROI. It doesn't vanish when your quarterly results disappoint. Position-based "love," however, is attendance-based. Your admirers are present for the ribbon-cutting but absent during the crisis.
The Bhakti saints of ancient India—Kabir, Mirabai, and others—understood this perfectly. They renounced position, wealth, and social status, and discovered that liberation and authentic love were waiting in that renunciation. They taught that detachment from position brings clarity about who genuinely cares.
The Inversion Principle: Why Position Attracts the Wrong People
Here's a bitter truth wrapped in wisdom: the higher you climb, the more you attract climbers. Your position acts as a magnet for people with agendas. Meanwhile, truly valuable people—the humble, the authentic, the genuinely skilled—often remain invisible because they don't clamor for attention.
As Krishna advises in the Bhagavad Gita (16:1-3), distinguishing between divine and demonic qualities is crucial. Demonic qualities include hypocrisy, pride, and the pursuit of power. Those who flock to your position are often driven by these very qualities. Don't mistake their admiration for affection.
A Practical Path Forward
So what's the antidote? The Upanishads suggest the path of Atma-Vichara—self-inquiry. Ask yourself: If I lost everything tomorrow, who would still be here? And more importantly, who would I want here?
Build relationships with people based on shared values, mutual respect, and authenticity—not transactional benefit. Be suspicious of people whose affection increases precisely when your stock rises. They're betting on the market; they're not betting on you.
Finally, practice Santosha—contentment with what you have—and Viveka—discrimination between the real and the unreal. This will naturally filter out the position-seekers and attract the genuine ones.
The Timeless Truth
Five thousand years of Hindu wisdom converge on a single point: your worth is not your position. And anyone who loves you only for your position hasn't really loved you at all. They've loved a reflection, a mirage, a beautiful lie.
The real you—flawed, struggling, growing, human—deserves to be loved by those who see beneath the shine of position and recognize the gold underneath. That's not just philosophy. That's survival.
As the Bhagavad Gita reminds us repeatedly: seek the eternal, not the external. Seek authentic connection, not performance validation. Seek love, not adoration.
Everything else is just noise.