Walking the Path of Brahman, Even With a Family - Why Brahmacharya Is Not Just Celibacy or Just Student Life
Today, if you ask ten people what Brahmacharya is, nine will
say "no sex" and one will say "the student stage of life".
Some spiritual gurus even sell it like a product, with a monthly package and a
discount for early registration. But the word itself tells a different story.
Brahmacharya comes from Brahman and charya, which means conduct. So it is
simply conduct along the path of Brahman. Nothing in the word says "stay
away from your wife" or "do not look at anybody".
Of course, celibacy is one part of it, specially for a
sannyasi or a person who has taken a vow. But to reduce the whole subject to
this one thing is like saying cooking means only boiling water.
What the Scriptures Say
The Bhagavad Gita gives a very practical view. In Chapter 6,
Verse 17, Bhagavan Krishna says that yoga becomes the destroyer of sorrow for
one who is moderate in eating and recreation, moderate in action, and moderate
in sleep and wakefulness. Please note, the word is moderate, not zero. Too much
fasting and too much feasting both spoil the practice.
Chapter 6, Verse 16 is even more direct. It says yoga is not
for one who eats too much or who does not eat at all, who sleeps too much or
who does not sleep at all. So the person who sits on a mountain proud of his
austerity and the person who is lost in pleasure are both in the same boat, and
the boat has a hole.
The Gita also speaks about the mind in Chapter 2, Verses 62
and 63. Thinking about sense objects creates attachment, attachment creates
desire, desire creates anger, and anger leads to confusion and loss of memory.
So the real issue is not the body, it is the mind. A man can sit in a cave and
still be busy in his thoughts. Another man can be in his house with children
and bills, and be steady in mind.
Balance and the Stages of Life
Hindu tradition has four ashramas: Brahmacharya, Grihastha,
Vanaprastha and Sannyasa. Many people think Brahmacharya ended when the student
left the gurukula. But the principle of control and direction toward Brahman
does not expire on graduation day. A householder also follows it, through right
conduct, faithfulness, discipline in speech, food and money, and by keeping the
goal in view.
Having a partner does not put anyone outside Brahmacharya.
In fact the Grihastha stage is described as the support of all other stages,
because the student, the forest dweller and the renunciate all depend on the
householder for food and support. It would be strange if the pillar of society
was said to be doing something against dharma by being married. Dharma-aligned
married life, with self-control and respect, is itself a form of Brahmacharya.
Too much asceticism and too much worldly indulgence are both
against the laws of nature. One is forcing the body against its design, and the
other is forgetting why the body was given. Following the natural order of life
while keeping the mind fixed on Brahman is the middle path.
Hanuman: The True Brahmachari
If anyone wants a living example, there is no better one
than Hanuman. He is called Bal Brahmachari, but look at what he actually did
with his life. He was a devotee, a messenger, a warrior, a scholar of grammar
and the Vedas, a diplomat, and a very good friend. He was not sitting quietly
in a corner avoiding the world. He jumped across the ocean, entered Lanka,
burned it, and came back to report.
His qualities show the full meaning of the word:
Devotion: everything he did was for Shri Rama, with no
demand for credit.
Humility: when Shri Rama praised him, he gave all credit to
Rama's name and grace.
Controlled aggression: he had power to destroy Lanka alone,
yet he followed the mission and did only what was needed.
Strength: physical, mental and moral, all together.
Humor: anyone who can set a city on fire with his own tail,
while the demons proudly tie rags on it, clearly has a sense of humor.
In the Sundara Kanda of the Valmiki Ramayana, when Hanuman
searches for Sita in Ravana's palace and sees many women sleeping in disorder,
he is disturbed for a moment, and then he reasons that his mind is not agitated
by desire, and that the mind is the cause of good and bad action. This is a
very clear example of Brahmacharya being mastery of mind, not avoidance of
circumstances. He was in the most tempting place possible, and his mind stayed
on his duty.
Symbolism and Importance
Hanuman crossing the ocean is often seen as a symbol of
crossing the ocean of samsara with a steady mind. His chest, where Rama and
Sita are seen, shows that the real Brahmachari carries the Divine within. The
energy that normally flows outward in endless wanting is redirected towards
service and knowledge. This is why Brahmacharya is said to give ojas, a kind of
inner strength and clarity.
The importance is simple. Without control, a person is
driven by every passing impulse, and that is not freedom, it is slavery with
good marketing.
Life Lessons
First, balance is not weakness. It is the hardest
discipline, because extremes are easy. Anyone can fast for ten days or party
for ten days. Living a steady normal day with a clear mind is the real test.
Second, judge the mind, not the outer costume. Saffron
clothes do not make a Brahmachari, and a shirt and tie do not disqualify one.
Third, every stage of life has its own dharma, and
Brahmacharya runs through all of them like a thread through beads.
Fourth, power with humility is beautiful. Power without it
is only noise.
Relevance in Modern Life
Today we have phones, endless entertainment, and constant
advertising designed to pull attention and desire in every direction. A person
can be distracted a hundred times before breakfast. In this situation
Brahmacharya means something very practical: controlling the senses, using time
and energy wisely, being faithful in relationships, speaking with care, and not
letting the mind become a public marketplace.
A student, an office worker, a parent and a retired person
can all practice it. Nobody has to run to the Himalayas, and honestly the
Himalayas are already crowded with people looking for peace and posting photos
of it.
Brahmacharya is not a prison and not a badge. It is conduct with the awareness of Brahman, in every relationship and every stage of life. Hanuman shows that one can be strong, humble, devoted and even funny, and still be a perfect Brahmachari. If we follow nature's laws with the mind fixed on the Divine, we are already walking the path.