--> Skip to main content


All Selfish Relationships Appear To Be Sweet In The Beginning - Hinduism Wisdom

The Illusion of Sweetness in Selfish Relationships: A Hindu Perspective

Relationships are the cornerstone of human existence, woven deeply into the fabric of our lives. While many relationships appear sweet and fulfilling at the outset, those rooted in selfishness ultimately reveal their transient and hollow nature. Hindu philosophy, deeply rooted in the Vedas, Upanishads, Bhagavad Gita, and other scriptures, sheds light on the fleeting sweetness of selfish relationships and the enduring power of selflessness and spiritual connection. The teachings of sages, seers, and modern spiritual thinkers provide profound insights into the dynamics of relationships, reminding us of the importance of transcending selfishness to attain higher truths.

The Sweet Beginnings of Selfishness

Selfish relationships often begin with charm and allure, as they cater to personal desires, ambitions, and material comforts. The Srimad Bhagavata Purana warns of the deceptive nature of relationships based on personal gain:

"As long as the body is fit and healthy and a person is able to earn wealth, family members show affection. Once the body becomes infirm and unproductive, even the closest relations turn away." (Bhagavata Purana, 11.9.10)

In such relationships, the sweetness is superficial because it arises from mutual exploitation rather than genuine love or connection. This initial allure is likened to drinking honey-coated poison. It tastes sweet initially but leads to suffering as the inherent selfishness begins to surface.

Karma and Selfishness in Relationships

The Bhagavad Gita emphasizes the interplay of karma (action) and the intentions behind relationships. In Chapter 3, Verse 9, Lord Krishna states:

"Work must be done as a sacrifice for the divine, otherwise work binds one to the world."

When relationships are rooted in selfish motives, they become karmic entanglements that bind individuals in cycles of attachment, disappointment, and suffering. Conversely, relationships approached with selflessness, as an offering to the divine, foster liberation and joy.

The Upanishads further explain that the Atman (soul) is complete in itself and does not seek fulfillment through external attachments. The Brihadaranyaka Upanishad (2.4.5) declares:

"It is not for the sake of the wife that the wife is loved, but for the sake of the self. It is not for the sake of the husband that the husband is loved, but for the sake of the self."

This profound insight underscores the truth that selfish relationships are a projection of one's incomplete self, seeking validation and satisfaction through others.

Lessons from the Mahabharata

The Mahabharata offers numerous stories illustrating the destructive consequences of selfish relationships. Duryodhana, driven by selfish ambition, forges alliances with Karna and others, manipulating their loyalty for his own ends. While these relationships appear sweet and mutually beneficial at first, their foundation of greed and ego leads to ruin.

On the other hand, the unselfish friendship between Krishna and Arjuna reflects the ideal of selfless love. Krishna serves as Arjuna’s guide, mentor, and friend, expecting nothing in return. This relationship exemplifies the principle that true sweetness in relationships arises from selflessness and spiritual alignment.

Modern Thinkers on Selfishness in Relationships

Swami Vivekananda highlights the ephemeral nature of selfish relationships in his lectures, noting:

"All misery and pain come from attachment. The moment you detach yourself from these lower motives, you attain peace."

He encourages individuals to cultivate relationships based on service and love rather than selfish expectations. Similarly, Swami Sivananda warns against the fleeting pleasure derived from selfish pursuits, stating:

"Desire is insatiable. It burns the heart and clouds the intellect. Relationships rooted in desire will inevitably lead to pain."

Modern spiritual leaders like Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev echo this wisdom, emphasizing that relationships should not be transactional. He observes:

"If you enter a relationship to fulfill your needs, it’s bound to collapse. True relationships come from offering, not demanding."

The Role of Bhakti (Devotion) in Transcending Selfishness

Hinduism extols the practice of bhakti (devotion) as a means to overcome selfish tendencies. By surrendering to the divine, individuals cultivate humility, compassion, and unconditional love, which transform their relationships. The Uddhava Gita states:

"He who sees Me in all beings and all beings in Me is never separated from Me, nor am I separated from him." (Uddhava Gita, 6.29)

When relationships are approached with the spirit of bhakti, the sweetness becomes enduring, as it stems from divine love rather than personal gain.

The Parable of the Sand and the Stone

A story from the Puranas illustrates the contrasting nature of selfish and selfless relationships. Two friends, Sand and Stone, walked through a desert together. During their journey, they quarreled, and Sand struck Stone. Stone bore the blow in silence and inscribed the incident in a rock: "Today, my friend hurt me."

Later, Sand fell into a quicksand pit, and Stone rescued him. Sand, filled with gratitude, wrote in the wind: "Today, my friend saved me." Confused, Stone asked why Sand wrote one event on a rock and the other in the wind. Sand replied:

"The harm you caused me, I carved in the rock so it would not fade. Your kindness, I wrote in the wind to carry its fragrance everywhere."

This tale reflects the selflessness that transforms relationships into a sacred bond, while selfishness carves wounds that endure.

The Path of Jnana (Wisdom)

The Ashtavakra Gita offers profound guidance for understanding the nature of relationships through self-awareness. Ashtavakra teaches:

"You are the infinite, stainless Self—the same in joy and sorrow, hope and despair. Do not see yourself as separate from others." (Ashtavakra Gita, 1.5)

Recognizing the oneness of all beings helps dissolve selfishness, allowing relationships to flourish in their truest essence. This wisdom aligns with the teachings of Adi Shankaracharya, who emphasizes advaita (non-duality) as the ultimate truth.

Stories from Hindu Mythology

Hindu scriptures abound with stories highlighting the consequences of selfish relationships. One such tale is that of King Yayati, narrated in the Mahabharata. Driven by selfish desires, Yayati exchanges his old age with his son Puru to extend his indulgence in worldly pleasures. However, he soon realizes the futility of selfishness and renounces his desires, teaching us that true fulfillment lies in renunciation and selflessness.

Similarly, the relationship between Lord Rama and Hanuman epitomizes the ideal of selfless devotion. Hanuman serves Rama with unwavering dedication, expecting nothing in return. This bond, rooted in dharma (righteousness) and bhakti, showcases the eternal sweetness of selfless relationships.

Nisargadatta Maharaj on Detachment

Nisargadatta Maharaj, a modern sage, advises cultivating detachment in relationships to avoid the pitfalls of selfishness. He states:

"Wisdom tells me I am nothing. Love tells me I am everything. Between these two, my life flows."

This balance between detachment and universal love enables one to engage in relationships without clinging or selfish motives.

The Essence of Dharma in Relationships

The concept of dharma plays a central role in Hinduism, guiding individuals to act righteously in their relationships. A dharmic relationship prioritizes duty, compassion, and selflessness over personal desires. The Manusmriti emphasizes:

"One should behave towards all beings as one would towards oneself." (Manusmriti, 6.92)

By adhering to dharma, relationships become a means of spiritual evolution rather than mere transactional interactions.

Transforming Relationships Through Selflessness

Hindu teachings remind us that the sweetness of selfish relationships is fleeting, as it is rooted in temporary and materialistic desires. Lasting sweetness arises only when relationships are approached with selflessness, devotion, and a sense of spiritual unity. By embodying the wisdom of the scriptures and sages, we can transcend selfishness and cultivate relationships that nourish the soul.

In the words of Ramakrishna Paramahamsa:

"The world is full of selfishness. Only a rare soul seeks to give without expecting anything in return. Strive to be that soul."

By internalizing these teachings, we transform our relationships into sacred bonds that reflect the divine, leading us closer to the ultimate goal of liberation (moksha).