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Biggest Mistake Of Life – Putting Responsibility Of Your Happiness On Someone - Hinduism Perspective

The Biggest Mistake of Life: Putting Responsibility of Your Happiness on Someone Else – Hinduism's Perspective

In Hindu philosophy, the notion that happiness stems from external sources, including other people, is considered a significant misunderstanding of life and self. The core teachings of Hinduism, rooted in the Upanishads, Bhagavad Gita, and other texts, emphasize the idea that happiness is a state of inner peace, which comes from self-realization (Atman) and not through material possessions, circumstances, or individuals.

1. Symbolism and Importance in Hindu Thought

In Hinduism, the key to happiness lies in understanding the nature of the self (Atman) and its relationship to the Ultimate Reality (Brahman). When a person attaches their sense of happiness to someone else, they are essentially seeking fulfillment in the ever-changing, transient world (Maya). Maya, in Hinduism, represents the illusion or ignorance (Avidya) that clouds one's understanding of reality.

This ignorance leads to emotional dependence, attachment (Moha), and desires (Kama), which bind individuals in cycles of suffering (Samsara). True happiness, according to Hinduism, comes from detachment (Vairagya), self-discipline (Tapas), and inner wisdom (Jnana), which are the antidotes to this ignorance.

2. Insights from Hindu Scriptures

The Bhagavad Gita:

The Bhagavad Gita teaches that happiness should not be placed in the hands of others or material success. In Chapter 2, Verse 47, Lord Krishna advises Arjuna:

"Karmanye vadhikaraste Ma Phaleshu Kadachana"
(You have a right to perform your duty, but not to the fruits thereof.)

This verse indicates that one's actions and internal state should not depend on external outcomes, including others' behavior. Seeking joy in external things or people leads to attachment, but lasting happiness comes from performing one's duty (Dharma) with detachment from results.

The Upanishads:

The Brihadaranyaka Upanishad (4.4.12) states: "As a man acts, so he becomes. As is his desire, so is his destiny."
This means that what we seek, desire, and depend upon shapes our life and character. If one desires happiness externally, one remains bound by that desire. But by seeking knowledge of the Self, one finds true freedom and bliss.

3. Modern-Day Relevance

In today's fast-paced world, it is common to place the responsibility for one's happiness on others—whether it's romantic partners, family, or friends. This mindset can create unrealistic expectations and eventual disappointment. In relationships, this can lead to codependency, emotional manipulation, and a lack of self-worth.

Modern psychology also aligns with Hindu teachings in this regard, encouraging people to cultivate self-love, emotional independence, and personal growth. Practices like mindfulness, meditation, and self-reflection, all rooted in Hindu traditions, are being recognized in the West for their role in fostering mental well-being.

4. Practicality in Day-to-Day Life

Hinduism offers various practical approaches to cultivate inner happiness, which do not depend on external sources:

Meditation (Dhyana):

Meditation allows individuals to turn inward, fostering self-awareness and a deeper connection with the true self (Atman). By practicing mindfulness, one learns to detach from emotions and external triggers, creating a lasting sense of inner peace.

Detachment (Vairagya):

Hinduism teaches that one should practice non-attachment to people, objects, or outcomes. This doesn’t mean becoming cold or indifferent, but rather maintaining a healthy emotional distance that preserves one's inner stability.

Karma Yoga (Path of Selfless Action):

Performing selfless actions without expecting results teaches one to find joy in the act itself, rather than in external validation. This reduces dependency on others for happiness.

Japa and Bhakti (Devotion):

Chanting mantras (Japa) or engaging in devotional activities (Bhakti) directs one's emotions and longing for fulfillment toward the Divine, reducing dependency on other humans.

5. Similar Example from Hindu Mythology:

A famous example from Hindu mythology is the story of King Harishchandra. Known for his unwavering commitment to truth, Harishchandra lost everything—his kingdom, family, and wealth—because of his dedication to his Dharma. He never blamed others for his situation nor sought happiness from material possessions. His story demonstrates that true happiness lies in one's inner virtues and righteousness, not in external circumstances or relationships.

6. Additional Thoughts:

In Hinduism, the concept of Santosha (contentment) from the Yoga Sutras also emphasizes finding joy within. When one places their happiness in someone else's hands, they relinquish their own power. This can lead to feelings of helplessness and frustration, as people are inherently unpredictable and often fail to meet the expectations placed upon them.

Happiness should be seen as a personal responsibility. Relying on others, either consciously or subconsciously, for emotional fulfillment creates a form of emotional dependency, leading to dissatisfaction when they cannot live up to those expectations.

7. Quotes from Hindu Scriptures:

  • Bhagavad Gita (5.23): "He who is able to withstand the force of desire and anger, before death, is a yogi and a happy man."

    This verse underscores the idea that control over one's own desires and emotions is essential for inner peace and happiness.

  • Mundaka Upanishad (3.1.4): "The Self is not known through discourse, intellectual ability, or learning. It is known only by those whom It chooses. To such a one the Self reveals Its own form."

    True happiness, according to this teaching, is self-revealed. It does not come from others or external knowledge but from deep spiritual insight.

8. Practical Takeaways for Everyday Life:

  • Self-Responsibility: Acknowledge that only you are responsible for your happiness. Your emotional state is your own, and no one can be held accountable for how you feel.

  • Set Healthy Boundaries: Avoid expecting others to provide you with happiness or validation. Practice emotional independence.

  • Practice Gratitude: By being content with what you have (Santosha), you reduce your reliance on external validation.

  • Adopt Daily Spiritual Practices: Engage in meditation, yoga, or mantra recitation to foster inner peace and self-awareness, helping you maintain emotional balance even when external conditions fluctuate.

Hinduism profoundly teaches that the responsibility of one's happiness lies within oneself. By placing the burden of happiness on others, one is bound by the illusion (Maya) and destined for suffering (Duhkha). The scriptures advocate for inner growth, self-realization, and detachment from worldly dependencies. Practicing these principles in modern life can lead to emotional freedom, self-reliance, and lasting contentment. True happiness is not a fleeting emotion dependent on external conditions, but an eternal state of inner peace and contentment found within.

Additional Information And Explanation:

The biggest mistake of your life is putting responsibility of your happiness on someone or something.

When we think that a particular thing, person, or place can give us happiness, we immediately put the responsibility of our happiness on something or someone other than us. In other words, we give the control of our happiness to something or someone.

And since most of what we do in our lives, we do to get happy, by giving the control of our happiness to something or someone, we give the control of our lives to something or someone.

Moti Doongri - Jaipur 

By doing so, we make things in our life beyond our control. This is so because we cannot control how a particular thing or person, which or who is separate from us, behaves.

Thus, in our search for happiness, we give up our control of that happiness and also our control of misery. This paradoxical situation happens over and again in our lives though we see the same thing in the lives of people around us.

This difficult situation arises because of two main problems. One, deep down, we think that we cannot control our happiness or misery. Two, because of such a belief we seek happiness outside of ourselves. The solution to this is quite simple. We need to remind ourselves all the time, in our waking state and also in our dreams, that we are the sole creators of our happiness or misery. This can happen only when our attention to the external conditions is reduced and we start focusing on our inner selves.

Sourceexcerpt from Prabuddha Bharata Magazine Editorial December 2019