One of the problems about which Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi was often asked was suffering. The question was usually personal rather than academic, since it was the experience of grief which drove people to seek solace from him. The real solace came as a silent influence, but he did also answer theoretical questions.
The usual answer was to bid the questioner find out who it is that suffers, just as he would bid the doubter find out who it is that doubts; for the Self is beyond suffering, as it is beyond doubt. Sometimes, however, on a more contingent level, he would point out that whatever makes a person dissatisfied with his state of ignorance and turns him to the quest of the Self is beneficial and that, it is often suffering which is the means of doing this.
The Bliss of Self is always yours and you will find it if you seek it earnestly. The cause of your misery is not in your outer life; it is in you as your ego. You impose limitations on yourself and then make a vain struggle to transcend them. All unhappiness is due to the ego. With it comes all your trouble. The cause of misery of life is really within you? What happiness can you get from things extraneous to yourself? When you get it how long will it last?
If you would deny the ego and scorch it by ignoring it you would be free. If you accept it, it will impose limitations on you and throw you into a vain struggle to transcend them. That was how the 'thief ' sought to ruin King Janaka.
To be the Self that you really are is the only means to realize the Bliss that is ever yours.
If someone we love dies it causes grief. Should we avoid such grief by either loving all alike or not loving at all? Bhagavan: If someone we love dies it causes grief to the one who continues living. The way to get rid of grief is not to continue living. Kill the griever and who then will remain to grieve? The ego must die. That is the only way. The two alternatives you suggest amount to the same. When all are realized to be the One Self who is there to love or hate?