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If it were not for my kids – I would have ended the marriage

Marriage is on a rocky ground and if it were not for kids, the marriage would have ended long back. We get to hear this from many husbands and wives. People stick on with marriage because of kids.

I have been married for ‘x’ number of years. There is nothing in common between us now. Things are getting more and more difficult. I want to be with people who understand me. Our sex life is low and it is now merely an exercise. There is no passion. There is no understanding…Am keeping the marriage alive for the sake of children. You meet such unsatisfied married males and females daily.

First and foremost, marriage is not about an individual. It is not all about you.

The day you decide to get married, you are also preparing to sacrifice the individual and personal needs for another goal – this goal is family.

If you are not ready to sacrifice or adjust your individuality and personal needs, then family life should not be your choice. Or you can at least decide not to have children.

Marriage and family life is a very different world. You need to keep evolving continuously. The roles keep changing. You have to play double and triple roles. You are a son, brother, lover, husband, father, uncle…. You are a daughter, sister, lover, wife, mother, aunt….

Your personality keeps evolving. You have to navigate through numerous situations.

Problems start when the initial excitement of marriage dies down and realities of life start to kick in.

The initial excitement and inspiration give way to challenges, adjustments, and flexibility. The sexual chemistry undergoes changes.

Life has gone ahead but the mind is still lingering in the honeymoon days.

What we need to accept is that the heightened sexual passion of initial days cannot be sustained over the long term.

There are numerous other factors in a marriage, which is overlooked during the initial days. These overlooked factors come into play once the honeymoon period is over.

This includes commitment, finance, time, loyalty, generosity, and kindness.

The lover has to evolve into father and mother. Then priorities change.

We should never put all our hopes and dreams on our spouse. When the spouse is not able to fulfill our hopes and dreams, we start complaining. Stop having high expectation. You should also realize that no person can give you happiness and contentment always.

Marriage needs to evolve and get mature.

Parenting is a big distraction in marriage. Couples ignore each other in the name of parenting. 

Parenting is only a part of life; it is not the entire life. Along with looking after children, husband and wife need to find time for themselves.

Empathy, sharing, helping and caring for each other should be part of married life. You are partners and there should be partnership – not mistress and slave or master and slave.

Talk to each other honestly and frankly, when you feel the intimacy and connection are lacking in marriage. Instead of complaining, silently suffering and looking for passion somewhere else, invest that energy in strengthening, repairing and revamping your relationship with your spouse.

Those who are thinking about a new relationship and new friendship as a distraction from marriage need to understand that the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence.

Worst Case Scenario
Then, there are some marriages, which should not have ever happened. When you look back, there is nothing in it other than children. It there is no emotional or sexual connection from day one then that marriage needs to be terminated immediately. Such fathers and mothers keep on reminding the children that they are doing a favor for them by co-existing. This constant reminder hurts the children most. They also get the wrong message about life.

Such couples have ruined their lives; at least they can do a big favor by not ruining the present and future of their children.