We tend to avoid someone who always annoys us, especially at
work. There are also people who irritate, infuriate and upsets us and we have
to live with them because they happen to be colleague, family, relatives, neighbors or
friends. Avoiding an annoying person is not a solution as this makes the
situation worse. Empathy and curiosity should be used to deal with such people.
www.hindu-blog.com
Abhilash Rajendran
Communication style, behavior, habits, rudeness, negativity,
old grudges, revenge…there are umpteen reasons for us not liking a particular
person.
Today it is nearly impossible to completely ignore a
colleague as the majority of work is team-oriented and requires mild to intense
deliberations and collaborations. So it is necessary to put up with irritating
people at work.
Compassion and empathy for such people alone can help us
overcome the situation.
The person who annoys us might have nothing to do with the
entire situation. It is just that the person simply reminds us of someone else
we do not like.
There was a senior who simply shouted at a junior colleague.
This frequent ugly situation was disturbing others around. So, once a friend of
the senior wanted to know why he was always shouting at the junior colleague.
The senior then opened up – the junior colleague had a prominent mole on his
face this reminded the senior of his father. He was seeing his rude, selfish
and inconsiderate father in the poor junior colleague. All the pent-up anger
and frustration the senior had for his father was being taken out on the poor
junior colleague.
We can overcome such similar situation only through
self-awareness. If someone is annoying you, give a thought about the situation.
Is it really the particular person who is the problem or is it about us?
Some people do not know how to control their feelings. They
might have several problems in life. They have no means to show their feelings.
Such people might show the frustration with other people. We need to learn to
be compassionate with such people. Instead of bracketing them as annoying and
irritating maybe we can help them or at least empathetically understand their
situation.
Stay cool and collected when you are dealing with someone
you really do not like. Negative emotions will only make the whole situation
ugly. Make sure that you do not behave in a manner in which you will not be
proud later or cause remorse and guilt.
Just be curious and try to find out why a particular person
annoys or frustrates you. Be honest and if you feel you are the reason then we
need to change. If you feel it is the other person – then get curious. Try to
find the reason is it family, cultural, education, physical, mental, or
personal. You need not agree with the reason but you can acknowledge it and
move ahead.
A simple way to deal with annoying people is to not to focus
on differences but by focusing on similarities. Look for connections, common
ground, and similar goals.
Be kind, generous, appreciate and compliment instead of
being angry, irritated and aggressive. When the instinct is to fight, put it
down by looking at the larger picture.
Focus on the subject matter that is in hand. Do not dig up
the past dirt. Do not give importance to the unpleasant things in the present.
Get the work done and move away with a smile and thank you.
Avoid all kinds of negative emotional reactions. This will
help you and also others. Remain calm and collected with an open demeanor
during meetings and interactions.
Focus more on kindness and compassion. It is also good if
you learn to ignore certain actions, words, and comments. Avoid taking things
personally and lashing out.
www.hindu-blog.com
Abhilash Rajendran